Reblogged from her-master
I think relatively little has been written or said about aftercare in the BDSM world. You can find thousands of articles that will tell you where and how to hit someone with a cane, but many fewer that tell you what to do to her afterward. Part of this is common sense. No thoughtful lover fucks and runs in the vanilla world. Everything can be more intense in BDSM, so a little extra thought should be devoted to what happens after.
I’ll address most of these brief comments to Doms, but subs, you should remember that your Dom may need care too. While I believe it is His responsibility to take care of you, a session can be very draining and leave a Dom feeling very empty afterward too. Try to maintain the intimacy, avoid off topic conversation and critical remarks, and just be there for Him. In a BDSM experience, a Dom often feels a level of mastery and control akin to being a Greek god. Coming back to earth can be difficult and more than a little painful.
Doms, you should realize that not every experience with your sub will be mindblowing, but, when it is, her mind will really be blown. Sub drop is a topic for another day, and maybe one I’m not particularly qualified to write on, is basically a natural counterpart to the tremendous high of a BDSM experience. It can happen for many reasons, and it doesn’t always happen. Aftercare is designed to help with sub drop, but it does much more and is needed even where there is no sub drop. It is part of a relationship and part of forging that connection between you and your sub. There are many ways to do this, and, as long as you’re paying attention to her needs and her reactions, it’s hard to go wrong. A skilled Dom will be able to handle aftercare covering the full range of experiences—from a quicky in a public place to a scene that’s so intense it’s triggering. Adapt and pay attention. Though there’s nothing set in stone, here are some ideas I’ve found useful:
This is good advice for D/s play no matter what the gender(s) of the people involved. Aftercare really doesn’t get the attention it deserves. Which is strange to me, as I personally enjoy it as much as every other part of play.